Flaming hair for the wedding!

Hi everyone!! I’m really excited today because I’m getting married in three days!!!!! It’s just a small city hall wedding, but it still means so much to me and I’m so happy! We’re going to a vegan Mexican place after the ceremony and I’m also so excited to try the food 😍 (are emojis okay?? Back in my days we’d type “*0*~” to express our feelings, hahaha).

My roots were super long and my hair pretty faded because I was waiting to do my hair the week of the wedding so I could have it fresh for the pictures!

I have a YouTube video showing how I dye my hair, so I decided to blog about it this time! I f*ked up a bit because I forgot to check if I had hair dye before I started the whole process and turns out I only had a tiny little bit left of the Splat (luscious raspberries) dye I’d been using to get my flamin’ red curls.

I went on an adventure to try and find it but was unsuccessful, so I had to do with Manic Panic. I thought I’d need two containers, but they only had one in Pillarbox Red, so I got a Wildfire (which is closer to an orange tone) to make it up. In the end I didn’t need two containers *eye roll*, but I had already mixed the colors up so I ended up with a brighter red than I expected. It still looks good, so I’m happy!

Just an addendum: I think it’s obvious, but I might as well mention that all products I use are vegan and cruelty-free.

Faded red and bleached roots!

So here’s how my hair was looking once I realized I didn’t have hair dye (ha!). It looks bright but it’s actually very faded. You’ll see what I mean by the end of the post! I should have made the roots lighter, but since I’ve been dying my hair a darker red, I didn’t feel the need to get my hair super light blond. I used the bleach that comes with the Splat hair dye, but I usually use the powder and developer by Ion.

The dyes

Here’s the pillarbox red and wildfire over the little leftover I had of luscious raspberries (I can never not laugh when I say the name of this dye). Note that they look weirdly brighter on the second picture, they are definitely closer to the first picture’s color.

After the application

Here’s how it looks after I’ve coated the whole hair. I always make sure that all the hair is saturated to avoid missing any spots. I use a fine comb to comb each strand of hair after I apply the hair dye to even it out. Sage was actually the one who did the back of my head this time! If that isn’t love, than I don’t know what is! ❤️

My beautiful shower cap head

Manic panic recommends using a shower cap, so I used one because I was a little worried that a lighter red wouldn’t cover the roots very well.

The murder scene

After about 40 minutes (the recommended time is half an hour, but I was distracted by my phone and not really worried about leaving the color longer because it won’t damage the hair), I rinsed it off. No shampoo or conditioner needed.

After the deed was done

Here’s how it looked fresh out of the shower and right after I styled it. I also have videos on how I cut and style my hair if you’re curious or bored!

The result

And here’s the day after! Hair dry and styled (and makeup on!). I’m actually very happy with the result and I’m thinking the wedding pictures will look amazing!

I’ll make sure to share them here! 💖

Hope this post was helpful to those who wanna venture in this self-hair-dying-world.

Ps: I have to say I was really upset for having messed up and forgotten to get hair dye for such an important day, but I’ve been trying to be more positive and I think the result was actually very good!

I should probably get a bouquet…? I need a manual 😩

See you soon!

Vegan Crepes Recipe!

As I said in my last post, I don’t want this blog to be sad all the time, so I’m finally sharing the crepe and mousse recipes from my one year anniversary post in the hopes to cheer things up!

Yummy!

Sage is still experimenting with the recipe and he usually just eyeballs it when he cooks, but here’s how the delicious picture above came to life!

Crepe Mix:

1/2 cup water

1/2 cup almond milk (might work better with soy or cashew)

1/4 cup melted vegan butter

2 tablespoon maple syrup

2 tablespoon vanilla extract

Then mix in separate bowl:

1 cup sifted flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoon granulated sugar (any sugar works, but some will alter texture, pick based on preference)

Then mix the dry ingredients into wet and leave little lumps.

Chill batter in fridge for 1-2 hours before frying

Chocolate mousse*:

Make a very strong 1/3 cup hot chocolate with vegan dark chocolate and vanilla soy milk, sweetened to taste. Refrigerate until completely cooled.

Place one package of silken tofu into food processor, add 2 tablespoons of sugar, then blend until smooth.

Add chilled hot chocolate and blend again for a few seconds until fully incorporated, then taste.

If not chocolatey, add cacao powder or melted dark chocolate chips. If chocolatey but not sweet enough, add more sugar.

*it didn’t come out with the perfect mousse texture, Sage is still working on it. It may just be that we don’t currently own a blender powerful enough to introduce the right amount or air to the mixture. It’s more like a creamy pudding like texture, and it’s delicious!

Let me know if you wanna see more recipe posts!

じやね！

Fake Happy

T/W: eating disorders.

I wanted this blog to be more fun and informative, but I’m at a not-so-good place at the moment. Pretending to be ok when you aren’t is exhausting, specially since mental illness in itself is already pretty draining.

I’m so fake happy

I don’t want to disappoint or worry anyone, so I just keep going, but I don’t know how much longer I can go. I’ve started having breakdowns like I’ve never experienced before. The other day I was at the gym and I just felt this unstoppable need to cry and disappear. I tried to play it cool but I couldn’t, it was stronger than me. I ran into the washroom and crouched down in the corner. I just wanted to be small. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I ugly cried. It didn’t last very long because I knew sage was worried and waiting for me outside and I didn’t want him to worry. He was incredibly supportive. Writing this brings tears to my eyes. I was able to finish our workout before going home. I’m so incredibly thankful for Sage, I love him so much!

I know part of my being so tired is the facts that I’m not eating enough. I just wanna be thin. I only need to lose a few pounds and I’m probably eating over 800 calories everyday, so I’m not being super unsafe. I make sure to eat a little more on gym days, but it’s really hard not to feel guilty when I eat. I had an apple with some almond butter for breakfast yesterday and I couldn’t stop thinking about how I shouldn’t have eaten it. Rationally I know it’s okay and that I need food to live, but mentally it’s like food is the enemy.

The Beyond Burger at A&W Canada

A&W is a fast food chain here in Canada and they introduced the beyond burger to their stores yesterday. I’m excited because that makes vegan food so much more accessible and the beyond burger outsells beef burgers everywhere it’s introduced. It’s pretty awesome. Make sure to order it without mayo or their house sauce to keep it vegan. Anyways, we’re having it for dinner tonight and knowing that all I had for breakfast was chocolate almond milk and now I’m having a bubble tea for lunch. That way I can have the burger with vegan mayo and fries without worrying about calories. But I feel pretty tired and sad right now and I know it’s because my body has no fuel to run on.

Eating disorders make no sense.

It’s truly so annoying. I know I have to eat but I can’t because I’m afraid of gaining weight and having the urge to purge…

I actually just edited a video where I talk about my ED. Once it’s up I’ll link it here. You can watch it here.

Have you ever struggled with disordered eating? How did you get better? Even if you’re still struggling, feel free to leave a comment and I’ll help as best as I can. Sometimes we just need someone to understand how we feel. I got you.

Thanks for reading and following my journey. I promise I’ll get better.

Being strong is hard (tw: eating disorder)

Last night I had a breakdown.

I’m sorry

I think I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for many many years, but it’s always been mild or “high functioning” as they say, so I’ve never really been diagnosed.

I moved to Canada in 2015 and left all my friends and family back home. First I went to a (cold!) small town and I think that’s when the depression really started affecting me. Then I moved to Toronto where things got much better, but still challenging. I’m a pretty resilient person, it seems, and I’m a “get things done” kind of person too. I know crying and moping around won’t solve anything, so I just keep going, you know?

But at some point I developed an eating disorder (ED) and that has been a real nightmare. I was really ashamed and it was really hard for me to finally tell someone – I knew I needed to do that in order to start recovering. I couldn’t keep it a secret. So I told my partner, Sage, and he’s been doing the best he can to support me in this recovery journey.

Sage is my knight in shiny armor

You see, going to the gym has helped me immensely. It tells my ED that calories are being burned, so it’s “safe” to eat. But I really haven’t been eating enough. It’s a really tricky thing because I still think I need to lose 4kg (about 8lbs), so it’s hard for me to eat more because I don’t wanna gain weight, and at the same time I know I need energy to workout to lose those pounds. EDs don’t make any sense, so I can’t really explain it to someone who doesn’t struggle with disordered eating.

All I can say is that I’m trying my god damn best to get out of this hole, but it’s a painfully slow process and it’s not a linear one.

So last night I had a break down.

Sage has personal trainer experience and he’s been helping me with my workouts. But there are exercises I can’t do and that’s really frustrating for him. You see, I can do them, but I can’t at the same time. I have never enjoyed working out- I really hate it – so things like “burpees” make me wish I were dead so I didn’t have to do them. It’s an emotional thing, psychological if you may.

Burpees are from hell

Look at how FIT this woman is!!!

Burpees are what the devil makes people do when they go to hell. Scientifically proven fact right here.

Anyways, Sage and I talked and as I tried to explain to him why I couldn’t do it I broke down. I totally lost it. Everything came crashing down on me. All the pain, all the shame, the despair, the hopelessness. Everything. I couldn’t be strong any longer and I am so, SO glad that Sage was there to catch me.

I didn’t cry for a long time, but it was intense. We then talked about it and he understood that I need to take things slowly and that I’m doing the best I can. I really am.

Today I decided to eat more food so we could go to the gym. I feel very uncomfortable, but I know I’m doing the right thing for myself.

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This was really not how I expected to start my blog – it’s not even finished yet, not really – but I missed blogging too much and this felt like the right time.

Hope I didn’t scare you away!

I’ll keep working on making this blog cute, but for now that’s all folks.

ありがとうございます！（╹◡╹）♡