New job, new dog?

Hi there!

I know I have been gone a long time, but I think about posting every day! I have the horrible habit of thinking “I can’t do something well enough so I’ll just watch Netflix instead”… I even started a habit tracker to try to get out of this mindset but then I started slacking off on that too :/

A lot has been going on though. I was thinking of being unemployed for a couple months so I could really focus on self-care, but then I got offered a position in my actual field of work and I couldn’t say no! Turns out I still have to interview because of HR, but it’s almost guaranteed I’ll get it unless I really screw up the interview. I’ve been studying so that I can be prepared for it. It’s in a tough neighborhood with complex clients, so it’ll be a challenge but I’ll gain valuable experience and it’s a contract, so there’s no permanent obligation. With this kind of experience it’ll be much easier to get other jobs in the future!

Luna and Thomas
Luna and Thomas

The other thing is that I’m dog sitting for my friend. She can’t afford a place by herself and couldn’t find a roommate who wanted pets, so she can’t keep her dog, Tom, anymore. He’s a 10 month old chihuahua. Very cute but he whines. A LOT. Our dog Luna is very chill and very well behaved, so I kind of forgot how baby dogs can be annoying at times and I feel bad for getting mad at him. We’ve been able to reduce his whining considerably by ignoring him and putting him in his crate when he won’t stop, but I need more strategies to help him. Sage didn’t actually want a second dog, but he said yes because he loves me and he knows I care very much about my friend, so I really don’t want the dog to bother him with his whininess. I also need tips on training two dogs at the same time. Tom only knows how to sit while Luna can sit, stay, give the paw (and the other), down, and she actually listens when I say “no” hahaha. She’s also extremely quiet and is more than happy to just sleep by my side all day (or sleep on the couch when mommy and daddy aren’t home). She never goes inside. I’m pretty sure there’s some trauma involved in that, she won’t even pee on the side walk: potty is on grass only. (Luna is a rescue, so we don’t know much about her past). Thomas has had a couple accidents at home, but he knows to go on his pad – which is very helpful. I was able to book his neuter with the humane society for the end of October, so hopefully that’ll help with his training too.

A blurry picture of us

It’s funny because Tom is SO smol! He makes Luna seem like a giant LOL. Her teeth look much bigger now, I can see why some children want to pet her but don’t want her to sniff them, hahaha. She’s so gently though. Tom will bark at strangers… I think it’s because he’s so small and he grew up in the suburbs, so he’s not used to seeing so many people. Luna is basically his first dog friend. (Don’t tell Luna I said she’s friends with Tom).

I think this turned out to be a great post! I’m pretty happy with it. *strikes Superman pose* I hope you enjoyed it too!

I promise I’ll be back soon!!

XOXO

– Your favorite vegan Fox 🦊

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Hard Times

I had a really tough weekend. My mental health has been declining and on Saturday I reached a low point I don’t think I had ever experienced before. I’m really embarrassed of myself and just disappointed to be honest.

I’ve been trying to hold my shit together for too long and I think I’ve officially reached my limit. I want to look into inpatient facilities, but I don’t have a health card, insurance or money, so I probably won’t be able to get the help I want… I tried using Better Help, but they wanna charge me $68/week and that’s unfeasible.

So I guess I’ll just have to try the best I can by myself. Thankfully I do have a very supportive husband, but I feel guilty because the poor guy thinks it’s his fault that I’m feeling this way even though I keep telling him it’s not.

He’s probably the only reason I didn’t completely lose it yet, to be honest…

A while ago I decided I didn’t want to drink anymore. After some self-reflection I realized I used to drink as self-harm – even if I really didn’t really drink that much – and I used being drunk as an excuse to do things I otherwise wouldn’t have done.

But I started drinking again, and this time I really wanted to hurt myself. I just feel like such a failure. Undeserving of anything but pain. I hate the person I am right now and I want to hurt her to see if she goes away. I think. I don’t know. It’s been really hard. I wish I could just stop.

But I can’t.

I have to keep going and figure this out. I have to believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel even though I can’t see it yet.

Vegan Twitter has actually been really supportive. I really like those people and turns out they like me too!

So I’ll keep going. It’s not easy at all and I don’t really know how to keep going, but I’ll figure it out eventually.

I wanna post more often, but I didn’t want this blog to be so negative. Unfortunately that’s how I’m feeling and I don’t want to have to pretend here. I can barely pretend at work anymore.

I just need to sleep for an undetermined amount of time. Have no responsibilities. Breathe. Find enjoyment in things again. I don’t wanna be depressed. I don’t wanna obsess about food and weight. I’m don’t wanna have an ED. I just wanna be who I used to be.

I’m tired.

Vegan Macadamia Oat Cookie Starbucks Review

That’s… a really long title.

Since today is gym day I decided to try the new vegan cookie from Starbucks. (They’re also giving you double stars if you use the app to pay!) It’s a pretty big cookie, which means lots of calories, so I’d recommend sharing with a friend!

The almonds and macadamia nuts give it a really nice flavor, and the cranberries are a good alternative to raisins too. Plus, the pumpkin seeds add nicely to the texture! However, it has orange and lemon zest in it, and I’m not the biggest fan of citrusy deserts… I probably wouldn’t have bought it had I known it beforehand. 🙄 But if that’s your kind of flavor you’re in for a treat!

It’s a soft chewy-ish cookie, and they can warm it up for you too! You can order your drink with almond milk to compensate for the extra calories, hahaha. 😉 It’s 390 calories to be exact. For comparison purposes, the (non-vegan) chocolate chip cookie has 570 calories. That’s like, a whole meal worth of calories! 😰

Man, I miss the days I didn’t count calories…

Anyways, all in all it’s a tasty cookie if you like orange zest, but it’s a treat better shared with a second person (so you can eat without the guilt 😜).

I hope this was helpful! Let me know if you’d like to see more review posts like this one. I love reading reviews before buying anything, I feel like I avoid wasting money when I do so!

Have you tried the macadamia oat cookie? What did you think of it? If you haven’t, are you thinking of giving it a try? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

PS: what do you think of the signature on the pictures? I think I finally found one that I like! Although it’ll only work on plain backgrounds. Editing pictures in photoshop was so much easier, I need multiple apps to try to achieve a look I’m okay with, but it’s never the way I actually want it…

Oh well.

See you next time!

-Fay

I got married!!

I’m so excited to finally share these pictures with you!

Sage and I got married at the City Hall in Toronto and it was such an amazing day! I wish I had recorded the ceremony because it all just happened so fast! Let me start from the beginning.

I woke up earlier because I needed to go get supplies to make my bouquet. Yes, I made my own bouquet the morning of the ceremony. Classic Fay. I also had no idea what I was doing and was slightly freaking out because the internet decided it wasn’t gonna work so I couldn’t get ideas on google. Luckily it was the beginning of the month and I had plenty of data, so I could get a few ideas and after a few failures I had my bouquet!

Photography by Ori Carmona

I got my toenails done the day before and had to fix them myself because apparently people don’t know you’re supposed to cover the entire nail with polish??? I digress. And did my fingernails the night before to make sure I’d have time to fix them in the morning if it was needed. I washed my hair so I’d have fresh looking curls and I realized I was late to get my makeup done by my makeup artist friend! and I low key wish I had done it myself. Not that it wasn’t good, by I’m so used to the way I do it that I felt strange… The plan was to do a simple hairdo but I didn’t have time for that, haha. Classic Fay².

Photography by Ori Carmona

I took the cab three times that day! I never do that because public transit is always much cheaper and better for the environment, but if there was a day it was okay to splurge it was my fucking wedding day!! So there I was in the City Hall with my soon to be husband and my photographer friend (Ori Carmona, who’s AMAZING). The City Hall is gorgeous, so there were lots of people taking pictures there!

Photography by Ori Carmona

My friends arrived and we went in to sign the papers before the ceremony. My dear friend N was kind enough to FaceTime my mom so she could watch the ceremony! It was so sweet ❤️

Photography by Ori Carmona

The ceremony felt waaaay more official than we expected. Of course Sage and I forgot our vows at home LOL so we had to make it up on the spot and I feel like mine was stupid, but his was perfect. I love that man so much!

Photography by Ori Carmona

We then went to a vegan place that was gorgeous! Rosalinda‘s staff was fantastic and we had a wonderful time at the restaurant! They served us family style and we got to try pretty much the entire menu!! If you’re ever in Toronto go there!! Everything was amazing and all the non-vegans were impressed. 😉

I didn’t take pictures of the food because I was too busy being happy and having a good time, sorry. 💖

Photography by Ori Carmona

Anyways, I’m a married woman now!! It still feels weird, hahaha. Sage and I always giggle when we refer to each other as “husband/wife”. It feels so official! We’re so happy!!

Sorry about the watermarks on the pictures! I wanted to make sure they wouldn’t get stolen so I made them obnoxious and I didn’t want to pay to remove the message generated by the app, so it’s extra obnoxious, hahaha. You can see more on my Instagram too! *hint hint wink wink*

I loved the pictures so much! We’ll be getting a few of them printed and framed for sure!

This post has so many exclamation marks!!! It’s about the most exciting day, so I can’t help it, hahaha.

I hope you enjoyed the pictures! I promise I’ll be posting more often now ❤️

Xoxo

Flaming hair for the wedding!

Hi everyone!! I’m really excited today because I’m getting married in three days!!!!! It’s just a small city hall wedding, but it still means so much to me and I’m so happy! We’re going to a vegan Mexican place after the ceremony and I’m also so excited to try the food 😍 (are emojis okay?? Back in my days we’d type “*0*~” to express our feelings, hahaha).

My roots were super long and my hair pretty faded because I was waiting to do my hair the week of the wedding so I could have it fresh for the pictures!

I have a YouTube video showing how I dye my hair, so I decided to blog about it this time! I f*ked up a bit because I forgot to check if I had hair dye before I started the whole process and turns out I only had a tiny little bit left of the Splat (luscious raspberries) dye I’d been using to get my flamin’ red curls.

I went on an adventure to try and find it but was unsuccessful, so I had to do with Manic Panic. I thought I’d need two containers, but they only had one in Pillarbox Red, so I got a Wildfire (which is closer to an orange tone) to make it up. In the end I didn’t need two containers *eye roll*, but I had already mixed the colors up so I ended up with a brighter red than I expected. It still looks good, so I’m happy!

Just an addendum: I think it’s obvious, but I might as well mention that all products I use are vegan and cruelty-free.

Faded red and bleached roots!

So here’s how my hair was looking once I realized I didn’t have hair dye (ha!). It looks bright but it’s actually very faded. You’ll see what I mean by the end of the post! I should have made the roots lighter, but since I’ve been dying my hair a darker red, I didn’t feel the need to get my hair super light blond. I used the bleach that comes with the Splat hair dye, but I usually use the powder and developer by Ion.

The dyes

Here’s the pillarbox red and wildfire over the little leftover I had of luscious raspberries (I can never not laugh when I say the name of this dye). Note that they look weirdly brighter on the second picture, they are definitely closer to the first picture’s color.

After the application

Here’s how it looks after I’ve coated the whole hair. I always make sure that all the hair is saturated to avoid missing any spots. I use a fine comb to comb each strand of hair after I apply the hair dye to even it out. Sage was actually the one who did the back of my head this time! If that isn’t love, than I don’t know what is! ❤️

My beautiful shower cap head

Manic panic recommends using a shower cap, so I used one because I was a little worried that a lighter red wouldn’t cover the roots very well.

The murder scene

After about 40 minutes (the recommended time is half an hour, but I was distracted by my phone and not really worried about leaving the color longer because it won’t damage the hair), I rinsed it off. No shampoo or conditioner needed.

After the deed was done

Here’s how it looked fresh out of the shower and right after I styled it. I also have videos on how I cut and style my hair if you’re curious or bored!

The result

And here’s the day after! Hair dry and styled (and makeup on!). I’m actually very happy with the result and I’m thinking the wedding pictures will look amazing!

I’ll make sure to share them here! 💖

Hope this post was helpful to those who wanna venture in this self-hair-dying-world.

Ps: I have to say I was really upset for having messed up and forgotten to get hair dye for such an important day, but I’ve been trying to be more positive and I think the result was actually very good!

I should probably get a bouquet…? I need a manual 😩

See you soon!

Vegan Crepes Recipe!

As I said in my last post, I don’t want this blog to be sad all the time, so I’m finally sharing the crepe and mousse recipes from my one year anniversary post in the hopes to cheer things up!

Yummy!

Sage is still experimenting with the recipe and he usually just eyeballs it when he cooks, but here’s how the delicious picture above came to life!

Crepe Mix:

1/2 cup water

1/2 cup almond milk (might work better with soy or cashew)

1/4 cup melted vegan butter

2 tablespoon maple syrup

2 tablespoon vanilla extract

Then mix in separate bowl:

1 cup sifted flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 tablespoon granulated sugar (any sugar works, but some will alter texture, pick based on preference)

Then mix the dry ingredients into wet and leave little lumps.

Chill batter in fridge for 1-2 hours before frying

Chocolate mousse*:

Make a very strong 1/3 cup hot chocolate with vegan dark chocolate and vanilla soy milk, sweetened to taste. Refrigerate until completely cooled.

Place one package of silken tofu into food processor, add 2 tablespoons of sugar, then blend until smooth.

Add chilled hot chocolate and blend again for a few seconds until fully incorporated, then taste.

If not chocolatey, add cacao powder or melted dark chocolate chips. If chocolatey but not sweet enough, add more sugar.

*it didn’t come out with the perfect mousse texture, Sage is still working on it. It may just be that we don’t currently own a blender powerful enough to introduce the right amount or air to the mixture. It’s more like a creamy pudding like texture, and it’s delicious!

Let me know if you wanna see more recipe posts!

じやね!

A Day in the Life: Anorexia

I never thought I’d reblog something, but this post felt so real to me that I needed to share it. Maybe this will help people understand eating disorders a little better. It can be triggering if you struggle with an ED yourself, so please take that into consideration before reading. Thanks for writing this, Cara.

Cara’s Corner

I’ve started another mini series about what it’s like to spend a day living with different mental health problems.

I don’t normally do this, but I’m putting a content warning on this post. It might be difficult to read for people who are experiencing or are in recovery from an eating disorder. However, it’s very important to me that the raw, painful truth of mental illness is exposed. There are many, many examples of mental illness being glamourised in the media, but that’s not the reality we live with day to day. This first post is about how it is to live just one day with anorexia. If you think it might affect you negatively, I encourage you not to put yourself at risk by reading ahead. There is no mention of numbers (either calories or weight), but some of the content might be triggering.

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I’m awake. Did I actually…

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